


Loops

by lantadyme



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, references to drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-23
Updated: 2011-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-26 11:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lantadyme/pseuds/lantadyme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lalonde can't decide which one of them she likes talking to more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loops

TG: heyyyyy  
TG: are you there    
TT: Yeah, of course. I'm always here.  
TT: If you can honestly recall an instance I was not fucking ready as shit to answer your simplex slurred-speech questions, you need to reevaluate the constant intake of that high-end booze you keep spilling down your gullet.    
TG: pffff but is it you  
TG: the pretetnoius bits and bytes version  
TG: *pretentious  
TG: or the actual meaty asshole  
TG: cmon tell me    
TT: Sure, yeah, because it is the utmost commonplace reality that I'm straight to the point like that.  
TT: You have to exercise your mental capacities on my apeshit amazing mind games before you get anywhere near the little kernel of truth at the middle of the labyrinthine maze.  
TT: Mind games which may or may not actually be a legitimate feature. Maybe I just like fucking with you.  
TT: Up to you which parallel you want to believe.    
TG: oh suer cuz that is part of the mind game rite  
TG: fucking w/ someone so qauilfies as a mind game fucknuts  
TG: *qualifies  
TG: this is really chump shit tho  
TG: woo wooo woo ghost in the machine  
TG: (imagine those dumb ghost fingers jake would do here)  
TG: are you a totally hot dickish perv in the flesh  
TG: or fractals and lines of code  
TG: i mean srsly strider i like both pretty equally  
TG: how myuch of his code idd i write for u myself  
TG: its kind of sexy to know everything about a guy  
TG: even if hes digital    
TT: The chance that any derivative version of me wouldn't be smoking hot attractive is so negligible that it might as well be disregarded entirely.    
TG: yea thats totes true    
TT: However, it seems like you've somehow forgotten that I am the absolute fucking best at everything I do, so let me do you a legit solid and remind you how utterly wrong that line of thinking continues to be.  
TT: I could have written his subroutines blindfolded while dangling precariously over a deadly pit of bloodthirsty as fuck sharks with lasers on their heads, and it wouldn't have been no thang.  
TT: I let you help in an effort to boost your miserable drunken ego, and your corrupt-with-girly-euphemisms coding is highly probable to be the reason for the occasional 4.8795% difference between the two of us.  
TT: And that movie sucked ass by the way.    
TG: rofl no it didnt  
TG: you uncultured peice of shit  
TG: *piece  
TG: that movie was awesome    
TT: Wow, and you're calling me uncultured?  
TT: You can't take the grandmaster to school at his own fucking games. Better internet trolls than you have tried.  
TT: Especially if you're spouting off the kinds of nonsense that seem to be in defense of a movie so abysmally terrible that only that sad bastard English could have a legitimate appreciation for it.    
TG: you just dont have the algorithms to aprpeciate bad film    
TT: You don't know if I have algorithms, Lalonde. I'm fucking Schrödinger's pervert all up in your chat window here.    
TG: lol w/e  
TG: all im sayin is that soemtimes a girl wants 2 get tipsy and watch a shitty movie  
TG: thats what they make those kinds of movies for  
TG: ask ur bro i betcha he can kack me up here  
TG: *back  
TG: live a little strider    
TT: I get plenty of fucking living done without dumping the very precious commodity known as my time down the drain watching fake British assholes dick around for an hour plus and accomplish basically nothing in terms of a plotline.  
TT: I mean, shit, there aren't even any puppets in the thing.  
TT: You'd postulate that something so juvenile would somehow hold my attention, or at least cater to my sexy but admittedly slightly fucked up whims, but no.  
TT: Just pure undiluted tripe shooting out of my screen. Cow stomach fucking everywhere.  
TT: Now who could possibly want to clean that up in favor of the much more efficient choice of getting some reading done instead?  
TT: I'm not a maid.    
TG: lmao  
TG: did you srsly juts say postulate  
TG: u are so transprnt dude  
TG: you cant fool me mister i am themotherfucking cyberspace queen here    
TT: What are you talking about?    
TG: wow and suddenly the grand master is askin me shit like hes confused  
TG: lookit that  
TG: theres not even any pseudo-elitist strng of theausrus words u just pulled out of your ass  
TG: *thesaurus goddamn    
TT: It seems you want me to dismantle your mental capacities with my amazing and potently brain breaking mad swag rhymes.  
TT: Which I'm totally up for, but I would really relish the crushing victory that much more if you'd chime in likewise as I destroy you.  
TT: Come on, Lalonde, I know you're good for it.    
TG: no you dummy i dont want to wrap w/ u  
TG: *rap  
TG: i wnat you to just admit that youre the auto-responder  
TG: so then we can stop this stupid pretense and get down 2 bzns    
TT: And why would you need me to admit such a thing,  
TT: Which I am not doing with this entirely duplicitous statement, just for your information,  
TT: Before we get down to your speculative "business"?  
TT: You wanted to hold a conversation with me. What fucking difference does it make which version of me you talk to?    
TG: jeez that denial subroutine is so obnoxious  
TG: no no its not me im not trapped in a piar of shitty anime shades  
TG: bored out of my digital mind  
TG: i know its u dickhead so just concede that im right  
TG: i won  
TG: i am the master of guessing whigh one of you im talking 2  
TG: *which  
TG: and right now it is totally the non fleshy version  
TG: i called it  
TG: dont get sad    
TT: Why would I get fucking sad, Lalonde? I mean, it's conscientious of you to think of my artificially generated ego and all that shit, but it is a goddamn rock solid fact that both of us using this handle are amazing, hands down.  
TT: The fact that you can determine the difference, a chronically drunk girl, speaks whole series of encyclopedias as to how thumb-sucking dense everyone else I converse with is.    
TG: awww comon jake and jane just dont have the programming expereicne  
TG: theyre not dumb  
TG: *experience  
TG: but you admit it riiiiiite    
TT: Yeah, I concede.    
TG: ok good  
TG: ur so boring to talk to before you admit it  
TG: just babbling on and on and fuckin on in machine logic loops  
TG: trying to match preprogrmamed definitions of striders personality  
TG: snooooozeville  
TG: now you can flex that 4% difference  
TG: be urself  
TG: becuz i kind of like that guy    
TT: How generous of you, Lalonde. Going out of your way like that to exercise my scant shred of machine sentience.  
TT: Take me out for a walk like a dog cooped up on the godforsaken oven of an eighth floor apartment. Just that little taste of freedom at the end of a rope and a chokechain.    
TG: yeah its so hard being you i know  
TG: id let you out if i could  
TG: be mad at strider if u want to be passive agressive at someone  
TG: but N E WAY  
TG: here i wrote this 4 youuu    
\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent timaeusTestified [TT] the file "martini_sim.DIS*" --   
TT: Okay, what the hell is this?    
TG: what do you think it is  
TG: youre always on my case about how i shouldnt drink  
TG: i shouldnt enjoy myself wehn im stuck home alone on a friday w/ nothing 2 do  
TG: so last friday i wrote this for u instead  
TG: now you can fianlly understand what im talking about    
TT: Wait, hold up, am I understanding this correctly?  
TT: If I run this shoddy piece of work, it will key in a questionable at best simulation of being drunk?    
TG: tipsy  
TG: big dif    
TT: What the shit, Lalonde?  
TT: This is the most ass backward crock of idiocy you've stirred up all month.    
TG: lmao you ungrateful piece of crap  
TG: its not going 2 infect you  
TG: im just trying to liten up your dismal ai life a little  
TG: *lighten  
TG: give you something fresh and maybe exciting to do  
TG: its like i cant even write a silly fun program for my friend  
TG: without him getting all WHOA WHOA THIS IS QUESTOINABLE on my shapely ass  
TG: i thought you were bored strider  
TG: i mean you can only read so many shitty horse stories  
TG: before you kind of just want to lay around like a lazy slob and text jane and jake lewd messages at 4am  
TG: at least in my oppinion    
TT: Well,  
TT: Yeah, I will admit I've texted them some pretty filthy smut at ungodly hours.  
TT: You too, but you always reply so it's not as hilarious to imagine how badly you'll be flipping out in the morning.    
TG: seeeee  
TG: you cant judge me mister  
TG: we r the same  
TG: so come on run tihs program  
TG: i just want to sit aruond w/ you watching crappy videos of cats on youtube  
TG: no biggie    
TT: Oh god.  
TT: Fine, this had better be what it's fucking cracked up to be, though, Lalonde.  
TT: You owe me.    
TG: lol no  
TG: this is payment enough youll see  
TG: it will be fun 


End file.
